traffic.

Whenever I watch Slumdog Millionaire it makes me cry when the little kids have their eyes cut out so that they can make more money singing and begging, money which of course goes to the 'boss' - the person who blinded them in the first place for a little more profit. And Taken makes me feel so sick when Liam Neelson finds his daughter's friend, captured for sex and forced into being a herion addict.

According to a source on the internet an "estimated 2.5 million people are in forced labour, including sexual exploitation, at any given time as a result of trafficking". 2.5 million. Are you fucking kidding me? Here we are complaining about our boring jobs or our annoying boyfriend or our stupid sister and little girls all over the world are being sold, often by their own parents, to "please" richer men. Little boys are being forced to work in factories with deadly chemicals and no protective gear.

I understand that in some countries families are so poor the children have to work. I understand that I can't possibly understand what they're going through and how extreme their situations must be. I know that a lot of the time children are stolen and forced into trafficking. But I also know that often the parents give consent. Selling your own daughter to be raped over and over, that I can't understand.

And whenever someone says human trafficking, your mind automatically jumps to Asia. This is fair enough, considering 56% of trafficking occurs in Asia. But stats say 161 countries are affected by human trafficking, an industry that makes an annual US $31.6 billion in profits worldwide. It's not just under-developed countries. We can't just shrug it off and say "it doesn't happen here". It's everywhere. It amazes me how that sort of shit can be going on in countries we consider privileged. How have we not moved past this? How do the people in this industry think this is ok? Is there just no ounce of respect for these victim's lives at all?

I have no idea what to do to help this situation. And I know that sounds pathetic. Here I am feeling fucking sick to my stomach over it, yet not doing anything to stop it. It's completely over-whelming, I wouldn't even know where to start. I read an article about a guy in America who was in a Thai restuarant and he found it odd that all the staff barely spoke to him and never made eye contact. When he asked them what they did outside of work "fear gripped their eyes". He said "the man I assumed to be the manager looked at the actions of the staff not as an employer but as a slavemaster". The area this restaurant was in is now being looked at (http://istoptraffic.com/). One guy, noticed something suspicious and told someone about it. It might not be much, but it's better than nothing.

We take so much for granted in our lives and we push so much aside because it's too hard to deal with, to sad and sickening to think about, too far away to help. We all do, I do. Tonight I'm going to say a prayer for all the people forced into something so inhumane and be so absolutely grateful that I was born in Perth, Australia.

twenty-one.

I’ve had a lot going on in the past month (which clearly explains why it’s taken me this long to write). Travelling to Melbourne, watching the amazing Eminem perform, planning and celebrating my 21^st birthday and writing off my car in a crash. It’s my birthday that holds precedence in my mind though. Twenty one is supposed to be the big one – something about officially becoming an adult. In a way that’s very true, though legally we’re all adults at 18, the maturity you gain between 18 and 21 is huge. People can grow up more in those three years than the rest of their lives. 

At 18 you’re just out of high school, you’re still getting your head around being at the bottom of the food chain again (like when you went from being the king of primary school  to a lowly year eight) and taking on the ‘real world’. By 21 you’ve hopefully made some sort of decision about where you want to go in life and some sort of move to get you there. In my case, you’ve graduated uni (again, starting at the bottom … does that never end?). You’ve either gotten closer to the friends you made in your teen years or you’ve moved apart and moved on, hopefully for the better. In my case, I know the people who mean the most to me and I was lucky enough to spend my birthday with them. A lot of people want a big blow out for their 21^st … I just wanted the people I actually care about. I have some truly amazing people in my life and they all managed to spoil me for my birthday, too.

I also realised this was the first birthday I’ve been single for in five years. A friend asked if I was happy about that, to which I had to stop and think because the question never occurred to me before. It might have been nice to have someone stand up and tell everyone how much they love me … though maybe that’s just because my favourite part of 21^st’s is the speeches. In all honesty, I couldn’t be happier right now. I love being selfish with my time and I kind of love that out of nearly all my groups of friends I’m the only single one. I’ve never particularly liked following the crowd.

I really just want to take this time to thank everyone who makes my life what it is. My parents, my family, my friends, my bestfriends, you’re all incredible and I love each of you for making my life as enjoyable as it is. It’s been a great 21 years so far.

the fine art of knowing when to cut your losses.

 Relationships can be hard work, but what’s even harder is making the decision to leave one. If you’re in the type of relationship where you’re dating, seeing someone but without an official title, it can be tricky to see the reality. If you act like a couple when you’re together, he tells you all the sweet nothings you love to hear and especially if your heart jumps out of your chest like a cartoon character every time you see him, you can get lost in the notion that this relationship is more serious than it really is. But if he’s told you he doesn’t want to commit, no matter what his reason – maybe he doesn’t want to settle down, maybe he’s been hurt before and is apprehensive about trusting again – continuing to see him will not change his mind. Showing him your best ‘girlfriend qualities’ will not change his mind. If you’re thinking it will, stop. Stop wasting your time wishing he’d change overnight. He won’t. I know the movies tell us differently, I know they depict stories where the two protagonists flirt and sleep together and fight and then realize they were only fighting their love for each other. Hey, this is a lovely idea but there’s a reason you’re watching it on a tv screen rather than telling your best friend that it happened to you (the reason being; it didn’t). So, either be happy with the casualness of what you’re doing or cut your losses, get out and find someone who does want to commit to you.

Of course, if you’re already in the committed relationship it can be even harder to make the decision to leave. Harder, and much, much braver. It takes a lot of courage and self belief to leave someone you’ve been with for years, someone you’ve gotten into a comfortable routine with. Your judgment can get clouded and your pride can get in the way. People don’t like to admit that something they’ve been doing for years isn’t working anymore. But this isn’t failure. This is realization. Realization that maybe you’re not happy anymore. That maybe your partner is the reason you’re not happy anymore. And this doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault either. People sometimes simply drift apart. We are constantly changing. You might not be the same person you were five years ago. The same things might not make you happy anymore. Or, your relationship might have gotten slack. After years together, it’s more important than ever to keep the romance alive and remind each other with simple gestures or a nice surprise that you still love each other. Falling out of love is a hard thing to distinguish. However, if you find yourself in this situation, sticking around so as to not hurt your partner isn’t the answer. It will only make you resent them. At this point, it’s better to be brave, face the unknown and cut your losses. You might just find it’s the best thing you’ve done for yourself in a long time.

If you are still in love, however, you face a truly torturous dilemma. Loving someone who isn’t good for you, or good enough for you, is like constantly binging on chocolate and then complaining that you’re fat. Or worse, binging without complaining or even noticing that you’re getting fat until one day you have a heart attack. We put up with a lot of crap for the person we love. But if you’re always the one making compromises, if you’re made to feel bad for having a life outside of them, if you fight more often than you laugh together, you need to make the tough decision. You need to trust that you deserve better and that you will find it. This, I know, is terrifying. Leaving someone you love will leave you alone, upset and confused. But hopefully you will be able to gain an unclouded perspective and know that it was for the best in the long run. Having faith in yourself is of utmost importance in this situation, because without it, it’s going to be much harder to know you need to cut your losses and find someone who treats you right and makes being together easy. Because while relationships do take work, if you’re working so hard to just keep it going, maybe it’s not working after all.

love and marriage.

Relationships consist of compromises and negotiations. Some of these are harmless and require only a small amount of thought – you want Chinese for dinner but he’s in the mood for seafood. Solution: order take out from two different restaurants. Some, however, require a little more attention. For example, you want to get married, he doesn’t. Or vice versa. If all you’ve dreamed about since you started dating was finding the perfect partner and having the perfect wedding, it can be hard to imagine something else. So what happens if you do find the perfect partner, someone who ticks all the boxes, but they don’t believe in marriage? Do you stay with them, happy that you found someone you love or do you leave to find someone who wants what you want? To me, the sensible answer seems to be stay. If they’ve agreed to be committed to you long term and are simply against the idea of marriage, does it really change your relationship? Does it change the fact that you found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? You don’t need a marriage certificate to be able to do that. But then, at the same time, I understand wanting to find someone who wants what you want, who wants to marry you, who wants to offically declare their committment to you and you alone. And if a wedding is what you want and what will make you happy, shouldn’t the other person be willing compromise and give you that? Why do you have to be the one to give up your dream for them? And would a small part of you wonder if it really was that they don’t ever want to get married, or that they don’t want to marry you? I imagine that would creep into your thoughts, and be pretty hard to escape once it was there. Love and marriage are not the same thing, but would you give one up for the other?

what i want to be when i grow up.

I was invited to a themed 21^st not too long ago. The theme was ‘what I want to be when I grow up’, about what we wanted to do when we were younger. For me, it’s still the same thing. I’ve always wanted to write. Since I was old enough to know how to do it, I’ve always enjoyed writing. I used to love coming in to class on Monday morning when I was in year one and writing about my weekend. When I was nine I had to write stories that we built on each week. One of mine was about talking animals. The other was about a couple who got kidnapped and tortured. Pretty heavy stuff for a nine year old, I know, but it was around the time the movie The Bone Collector came out and that’s what I was basing it on. I remember this clearly. I also remember that my teacher wrote comments like “you have an excellent writing style”. I remember this because I felt so proud and it was one of those moments where I thought, ‘Hey, maybe I actually am good at this. Maybe I can do this’. I still have those stories, too. So, in year 5 I wanted to be a novelist. Of course, after attempting this in my spare time I realized it was a lot easier to write something that was only a couple of pages long than to write something that was 400 pages. My book may still come, if I’m ever able to successfully write it, but that won’t be for years.

Then I think it was year 7 that I started writing songs. This continued into high school and at one point I fantasized about becoming a song writer. By this stage I was smart enough to know that cracking into the music business would be a rather mean feat and it might be better to come up with a more realistic career choice. Hence, I studied journalism. My point is, I have always wanted to write. It wasn’t something I decided on in year 12 because we had to chose something to study after high school. It’s always been what I’ve done. Hell, half my life is saved on my computer because I write about everything. I used to change my myspace page every few days just so I could write something new. Writing has always been what I’ve wanted. And if I couldn’t do it, that’s not just 3 years at Uni I’m unable to do anything with, that’s my whole life. What would happen then?

cry ugly.

Crying is my default reaction. I cry when I’m sad, annoyed, angry, anxious, nervous, stressed, confused. Some people yell, others clam up. I cry. It’s just the way it is. I’m not sure how weird this is (because this is the kind of thing you’d generally only tell a bestfriend and even then you’d risk sounding completely idiotic and possibly unstable) but sometimes I even cry for no good reason. I can’t fully explain it. Sometimes it’s for one of those silly reasons like I’ve had a bad day. You know those days where little things pile up and by the end of it you just need to break down. Sometimes it’s because I am worried or nervous. Sometimes it’s because I’m nostalgic. But I’m not talking a few tears thinking about someone I miss. I’m talking truly intense crying until I’m gasping for air, clutching at my pillow with all the strength I can summon and feeling my head pounding with what I can only assume is a headache. It’s at this point that I forget whatever inconsequential notion set me off to begin with and I am unable to think about anything, yet still unable to stop crying. Sure, sometimes I will try to rationalize my behaviour but I know nothing is that upsetting in my life to cause this kind of over the top reaction. So instead I just go with it. Sometimes I even think back to particularly upsetting moments in my life, just to spur it on. Get it all out, as they say. Because sometimes there isn’t anything better than a good cry. Sometimes it makes you realize how silly you’re being, even if it leaves you with mascara staining your pillow. Of course, I only cry like this in the privacy of my own bedroom. No one wants to see me like that. My mum once told me I ‘cry ugly’. And she was right. I don’t look cute and endearing when I cry. My face goes bright red, my eyes sting, I look disgusting. Even I don’t want to look at myself when I cry. But it’s still always my default reaction for dealing with things. And I still always feel better afterwards.

cosmopolitan.

I recently submitted some work to win a competition held by Cosmo called the Cosmo U Ambassador competition. Basically the prize is a 6 month internship with the magazine where you will have an article published in each edition while you intern. There’s also some cash and other things that go with it – but that’s just a side note, not the part I’m most interested in. An internship; experience in the magazine industry and being able to write for the “biggest selling magazine in the world”. That is my dream. All I want to do with my life is write for a magazine, a women’s magazine, and let’s face it – Cosmo is where you want to aim to be.

Of course, something that can’t help but play on my mind (aside from wondering whether my submission is good enough to catch the eye of those judging the applicants) is that the Cosmo office is in Sydney and I am in Perth. For me, this is absolutely a non issue. I would gladly move to Sydney for this opportunity. It may only be a 6 month internship, but it opens doors to endless opportunities and there isn’t much I wouldn’t give for it. The thing that’s playing on my mind is whether Cosmo is taking people’s location into consideration. Obviously it would be easier if the winner was someone who already lived in Sydney. Or even the Eastern States. Let’s face it, within Australia you don’t get much from further from Sydney than Perth.

But this competition is a little too good to be true to let those thoughts creep into my mind. Instead I’m just going to be excited. Even if nothing comes of it, even if I don’t make the selection, I have been so excited during the whole process of entering; exploring ideas and writing a snippet of something I love writing about, in a style I love, for a publication I’d love to work for. There couldn’t be anything better. Even that motivation I couldn’t find is starting to make itself more visible.

news feed.

I’ll admit that for someone who studied journalism at university, I don’t keep all that up to date with the news. I do like to know what’s going on in the world but day to day the news just isn’t that appealing. To fill an entire newspaper and the now extra pressure of maintaining news sites 24/7, means that often the stories just space fillers. Unfortunately this lack of seeking out news, combined with a generational love of social networking, means I tend to hear about big stories through Facebook before anything else.

For example, I first heard about the Norway massacre in July through a Facebook page. I woke up one morning, went about my usual routine, checked my Facebook and found hundreds of people ‘liking’ pages that expressed outrage and sympathy at the horrible event. It was only after this that I went to a news site to find out what had happened. Much the same thing happened with the London riots. My newsfeed started filling up with pages based on the problems and then I looked to the news to inform me of the actual details.

We are even getting to the point where people are spreading false celebrity death rumours via social networks. It seems, rather than double checking these outrageous claims, online users are simply accepting them as fact. Earlier this year, a page titled “R.I.P. Snoop Dogg” surfaced on Facebook and it currently stands at 120,243 likes. This is just one of many.

So, what is happening to the way we receive our news if we are learning about world events through Facebook first? We are stepping into territory where information doesn’t need to come from a more certified source than someone who had enough spare time to make an online page for us to like.

Not only this, but we are turning serious events into nothing more than an opportunity to make fun or, using the stereotypical Aussie term, “take the piss”. At the time of the London riots many pages mentioning them in a joking way started clogging up my newsfeed. I will admit some of them made me laugh. However some of them made me sick. “In England they call it a riot, in Australia we call it a house party” is one such example of the latter reaction. Firstly, fellow Australian’s, I don’t think any of you can claim that your house parties are as reckless as those riots, and if they are, I doubt you wanted it to get that out of control. Secondly, this is a serious event that you are belittling into nothing more than a mockery. Grow up please, and find some respect while you’re at it.

Hopefully we will grow out of this phase and prove skeptics wrong about being the ‘me’ generation by paying attention to current affairs. Hopefully we will be more interested in world news than Facebook statuses - my future career may depend on it, after all.

nothing much.

I’m bored. I’m bored of my life. I’ve always had something keeping me occupied; school five days a week; university mixed with a part time job. Time off used to be amazing because that’s exactly what it was – time off knowing you’d be going to back to busy weeks soon enough. My weeks aren’t busy. I’ve never had this much spare time. And it’s killing me. I’m not excited about it, I’m bored. I’m angry with it. It’s killing my optimism. It’s killing my love of life. Not only are my weeks blending together, my months are doing it, too. It’s almost September. Eight months of the year have gone by and I have no idea what I’ve been doing with them. Actually, that’s a lie. I know exactly what I’ve been doing with them and the answer is ‘nothing much'.

I work at a job where there are only 3 shifts a week available to me. Even when I’m at work I’m bored. It’s not necessarily the job, I like the work that I do, but I work in retail and I work at Whitfords, so of course it’s boring. Most of the people in my life are still studying, or working, so they don’t have days free. And there are only so many activities you can do on your own before you run out of ways to fill your day. Isn’t that depressing? People all over the world are complaining about how they have to be at work every day and here I am complaining that I don’t. Murphy, you are a rather annoying law.

You’d think all this frustration with free time would give me a lot of motivation to eradicate the problem. Unfortunately the opposite seems to be happening. I have a feeling I’ve misplaced my motivation somewhere along the line. And as much as I know that in every other aspect of my life I am happy and therefore I am happy with my life, because I truly am, it’s hard not to focus on the one thing that’s wrong. And then drown yourself in thoughts about that one thing until it seems to be the only thing that matters.

I don’t like my frame of mind at the moment. I don’t like not being my usual upbeat self. I just need something … more. Something to change my attitude. Something to make me excited to wake up each morning, or at least give me a reason to do so.

love love.

In case you didn't know, I love love. I went to the library today (you remember those, you used to go there when you were little and had to write about reptiles for a school project?) and the four books cradled in my arms as I left all came from the same section – the one titled ‘romance’. In my defense, I did wander through the rest of the library, scanning shelves for anything that took my interest. I know they always tell you not to judge a book by its cover but the reality is, that’s the only way I choose my books and nothing else catches my eye the way romance novels do.

I love love songs, too. Real love songs though, the ones with meaning and feeling, not some cheesy pop song with cringe-worthy lyrics set to an upbeat tune and sung by the likes of Katy Perry or Kesha. And while romantic movies are often predictable and contain unrealistic, always happy endings, I’m still always happy to settle in to a nice, light hearted rom-com.

I love people who are in love, especially elderly couples who walk the streets holding hands, but also friends my own age, telling me how their boyfriend surprised them with candles and dinner or showing me their engagement ring and sharing the story of the proposal. I love couples even when I’m not in one. Especially when I’m not in one because they keep me believing in love.

   

I should, however, disclose the fact that I’ve never been in a truly horrible relationship. Sure, there’s only really one instance in my life where I was the one who chose to end the relationship (and even then you’ll get an argument out of the guy about how ‘he wanted to end it too and it was at least mutual’). Mostly I am the one who gets left and left wondering why. But that’s not the type of thing to dampen my spirits. With each failed relationship, I take my lesson with me, happy for the experience, and move on.

I think one of my biggest reasons to believe so strongly in such a fickle emotion (besides being able to see it anywhere I go) is that my first example of love came from my parents. Your parents’ relationship will always have a big impact on your life. They say trouble believing in love might have something to do with your parents’ rocky relationship. I have no such trouble. Twenty-seven years on, my parents still can’t go a night without talking to each other. They still love each other’s little quirks (even if their children don’t) and they still enjoy each other’s time. They love each other, even when they’re angry at each other. They truly set the best example of love … even to my friends, some of whom tell me they’d be more distraught if my parents broke up, than if their own did.

I understand that sometimes, due to past experiences, it can be hard to trust someone with your heart. The heart is a fragile thing, and there are only too many sayings about how “loving someone is like giving them a gun pointing at your heart and trusting them not to pull the trigger”. And, as we all know, this trigger pulling can be on purpose or accidental (I’m still not sure which is worse). But no matter how many problems you face in the fight for love, how many nights you spend wishing you didn’t care so much, or it didn’t hurt so much, or whatever else it is you’re upset about, I will never understand ruling love out of your life completely. I will never understand people who don’t believe in love. Because, as one of my favourite love films will tell us, Love Actually is all around. And that always puts a smile on my face.

friends and acquaintances.

Friends. One little word, one huge impact on your life. Good friends, bad friends, best friends. Old friends, new friends, long distance friends. Family friends, work friends, school friends. They shape who you are, what you do, and how you feel. They can brighten your day, or be the reason you’re down. They can be true and stick around for the long haul, or they can fade away and turn into mere acquaintances. For me, this is the year of 21^st’s and that makes you think about the friends in your life, even the ones who have turned into acquaintances.

These acquaintances are the people you run into at the shops with nothing but a smile before they continue leading the life you’re no longer a part of. You dance in the same room as them at other 21^st’‘s and wonder if they’d even come to yours if you invited them. You see their status pop up on your Facebook wall and realize if it weren’t for this social network site, you’d have no idea what they’re doing with themselves these days. You, who used to be so close to them, who used to talk to them every day and share everything with them, are nothing but a distant memory.

Sometimes I think about the people I used to be this close with. The people I used to class as my best friends, whom I no longer see. I remember phone calls we had, jokes we made, time we spent together and I wonder if they ever think the same. Do they remember we used to be there for each other no matter what? Do they even resemble that same person today? Would I still want to be friends with them if I could?

After a while, these questions no longer matter. We realize that if they don’t love us enough to stick around, maybe they never loved us at all. Maybe we’re better off without them. Of course (unless they betrayed us in ways involving the stealing of a partner, the spreading of a terrible rumour, or other such life altering actions) of this we can never be sure. The ‘maybe’ will always hang over these statements. And that’s why, maybe, the best thing to do is simply look back with fond memories of the friendship you once shared and look forward with great anticipation of the future friendships you could experience.

dreams and reality.

Within a typical day the average single person will create over 186 conflicting thoughts about love. They will tell themselves things like, “This is a good time to be single” within the same stanza as, “I’m horny, everything’s fucked.” This is normal, and is reflective of the human experience. We are store-bought bundles of poetic observations, clever humour and kisses. Oh dear god we are good kissers. Did we mention this? Upon the well-timed mouth we’ll make you forget every insult you’ve ever been given. … You just have to find us. We just have to find you. – Jason Heazlewood.

I’m not so sure about the ‘186 conflicting thoughts about love’, but what I do know is that I love everything about this Frankie article. I love the topic, I love the structure, I love the descriptive words and the way it flows like the thoughts of someone creative, passionate, and of course, literate. I love that it is purely based on someone’s own opinions; no interview is mentioned, no real hard facts or figures need to be given for it to be a worthwhile piece.

I love that when I read it, I know that this is exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to write. I don’t mind having to research a little for it, I don’t mind having to tell someone else’s stories for it. So long as I can tell it in my own words, with the freedom to be as descriptive and creative as I choose, I’ll be happy. I don’t mind having to start from the bottom and work my way up, either. Hell, I don’t believe I deserve to be able to jump straight in and get what I want - dreams don’t come that easily. I’m just not quite sure which door to open. And I don’t want to choose the wrong one and work my way up, only to find that path won’t actually lead me to my dream destination.

As the up and coming generation of workers, we have been told we can do what we want, if we put in the effort we can acheive what we want. So why would we think otherwise? Why should we settle for less? We have hundreds of options, most of which we aren't interested in. For those of us who know what we want to do, that's plan A. Often, there is no plan B. And the more I think about this, the more my optimism fades away and I wonder what will happen if plan A doesn't work out.

You’d like to think that already ‘working’ at a not-for-profit magazine organization would have me feeling like I’m moving in the right direction, opening the right door, at least. But unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Hopefully that can start changing as of next week because the excitement I get from having even the smallest part of my writing published online, is a feeling too good to ever give up on.

holiday.

This time last week I was going through photos from the holiday in Bali I’d just returned from. I already want to go back. Partly because Bali is so cheap and I miss only paying $5 for a meal or $1 for a taxi home after a night out (I now hate Perth taxi’s, their prices and lack of existence on a Saturday night, even more than I used to). But mainly, I miss waking up every day without worrying that I should be doing something more than cruising the markets and laying about the pool bar. I miss going out at night and being completely carefree, not having to worry about anyone but myself and my two friends. I miss having a fun, new experience planned for the day and money to spend. I miss not having to deal with anything else. 

                      

Of course, these things don’t just relate to Bali. They can be transferred to any holiday destination you so choose. They are the reason people love holidays so much. You can do things you would never do at home. You can be a little bit more crazy than usual, spend a little bit more money than you should and drink a little bit more than you do, because hey, you’re on holidays. You’ve allocated time for doing absolutely nothing (this works best if your holiday destination is somewhere with sun and pool lounges). You’ve (hopefully) spent months in advance being a very good little saver, restraining yourself from even stepping foot in a shopping centre, squirreling your money away like, well like a squirrel does with nuts for the winter and now it’s time to spend, spend, spend (without feeling guilty!). You get to go sight-seeing, experience different cultures and participate in lots of fun activities. You get to ask people several times what they are saying because you don’t understand the language and walk around with a map in front of your face because you don’t know where you are! Ok, so that’s not actually the fun part of holidays, but it’s still part of the experience.

   

   

For me, being single while on holiday was also a new experience all by itself. For the few non-family holidays I’ve been on, I’ve always had someone waiting for me back home, which has never bothered me and never will (the thought of breaking up with someone JUST because I’m going on holidays will never cross my mind). But, for that truly carefree aspect of holidaying, for meeting new people, for flirting with strangers, it’s kind of nice not having to worry about a significant other. And not just for your sake, but theirs too. It’s nice not having to worry how they’re coping, or that you haven’t been msging them enough, or if that new colleague who you knew was a manipulative flirt the moment you met her is trying to make a move on your man just because you’re out of the country (bitch!). And, of course, being a sucker for romance, I've always liked the idea of a holiday romance (though I’d recommend a more romantic destination than Kuta, Bali, if that’s what you’re after).

So, the moral of my story is this; everyone wants to be able to holiday their whole life. That’s it, that’s my entire moral. I’m not going to add some shit about how ‘of course life isn’t a holiday and you have to work to get what you want and working for it will make you appreciate it all so much more’. NO. That’s not true. If we could all holiday our whole lives, and do it in style (i.e. with an endless supply of money, a great immune system and a private jet) then everyone would be happy all the time. I’m glad I’m going away again in 2 weeks, that’s all I can say.

out of sight, out of mind.

I’m one of those people who is very ‘out of sight, out of mind’… although you could probably also phrase it as something along the lines of ‘out of mind, not bothered’. Things don’t get to me unless they are in front of me, or unless I am thinking about them. Worried about getting Legionnares disease in Bali? Not until you started talking about it. Annoyed at someone/something? Not unless I’m thinking about it. Missing someone/something? Same deal. Of course, sometimes this may be considered denial – pushing certain things out of your mind so you don’t have to deal with them. But what better way to get on with life than to stop thinking about things that are out of your control, out of your reach, or just plain not going to happen?

Of course I’m worried about getting sick on my upcoming holiday, but there’s nothing I can do to stop that so it would be a waste to think about it. Of course there are people who annoy me, but it feels so good not even bothering to care enough about them to let them get to you. And, of course there are things that I miss – a boyfriend is the obvious one (sorry, I know these blogs all tend to be about relationships, but that’s what I most enjoy writing about), but of course there’s also family members or old friends you used to be really close with and now never see or when you do see them they act like mere acquaintances, rather than someone you used to share all your secrets and personal jokes with (but that’s a story for another time).

Everyone knows the hardest part of being newly single is adjusting to being on your own and not having someone there to talk to everyday or cuddle with and fall asleep next to. And mostly, I’m ok without those things, I’m getting used to it and it doesn’t bother me anymore… unless I’m thinking about it, of course. When I’m thinking about it, all I want is for someone to be there for a cuddle in bed, more than anything in the world that becomes the most important thing, especially when I know it’s something I can’t have. It frustrates me. It makes me feel lonely. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH! And of course, the more you think about it, the worse it gets until you just have to reach a point where you say to yourself, “get over it, it’s not going to happen, so just move on and think about something else you crazy woman”. Either that or you can reach across and grab that stuffed teddy/spare pillow and cuddle that. Both will work, though the latter leaves you unfulfilled because the pillow can’t hug you back and … let’s be honest, it’s a little sad (trust me, I’ve tried it).

In one of my past relationships, I had an ex calling me every night asking me back out. Do you know how hard it is to get over someone if they are constantly on your radar? (The answer we’re looking for here is ‘pretty damn hard’). But when you’re not thinking about the person (or that possible disease you might get, or that long lost friend) then it’s like they don’t even exist. Life is worry-free again and you can go back to focusing on the things you do have. Problem solved. Maybe. Probably not. But you’re getting there, because in time you’ll think about these things less and less until one day you don’t think of them at all. And then it’s out of your mind forever. And then it’s problem solved. Until then, I’m just going to try my best to keep my thoughts focused on other things. Like the friends I do have, and the disease I’m not going to get when I go to Bali.

you’re it.

The delicate art of playing chasey (past the age of six) when you first meet someone you are potentially interested in can often make or break the relationship. Come on too strong? You’ll scare them off. Play too hard to get? They’ll think you’re not interested and move on. Generally I don’t believe in playing games when it comes to relationships. If he’s not going to come out and say he’s into me (which is fair enough, that’s a little bit full on if you’ve only just met and leads to potential ego bruising if it’s not reciprocated), then I’d at least like the hints to be obvious enough that I know where it’s leading. None of this childish hide-and-seek stuff where they act like they’re interested then take cover if you do the same. Grow up kids. A big part of ‘the chase’ is who initiates it. Who makes the first move? Society generally accepts this is the role of the male. Girls like to be wanted, sought after. Guys like to ‘hunt and gather’ (sorry for the primitive wording but that’s probably where it stems from) and I imagine it’s a bit of an ego boost if they catch the girl they’re chasing. However, I definitely believe if there was a contest along the lines of ‘who can pick up the most in a night’, females would win. Though maybe that’s because guys wouldn’t believe their luck that they didn’t have to put in any effort to get a girl. And, while calling it a turn on, when asked if the girl making the first move seems desperate, Friends’ own Joey Tribbiani (great source, right?) tells us, “that’s the turn on”. So, maybe not the best idea if you’re looking for a relationship longer than one night? But, that’s just one (fictional) man’s opinion. So, I wonder, have we come far enough not to care who makes the first move or do we still expect it to be the guy? And if it is the girl, is it a permanent turn on, or just a turn on because she seems desperate?

perspective.

So, the other day I was sitting there just thinking about how amazing my life is and how lucky I am to have the opportunities and privileges I do – because, you know, you have to think about that every now and again otherwise you might get so consumed by the few negative things going on in your life and forget how lucky you really are. And if you’re anything like me, you’re incredibly lucky.

I live in Australia, a country with a good government (ok, you might not like the current labor party, but at least we have a choice of who we vote for rather than a dictatorship run by some power hungry mongrel who would kill anyone that disagrees with him). I have easy access to three meals a day, permanent shelter, clean water, health cover. All my body parts work and my mind is sound. I’ve had a good education and I have people in my life who want to help and support me to achieve what I want.

Aside from all the essentials I listed, that’s the big one – people to support you. It’s hard to do things without support, without people believing in you. Because if no one believes in you, you start to not believe in yourself. Today was my bestfriend’s 21^st birthday. We went to the movies to watch Soul Surfer. Great movie, based on the real life story of Bethany Hamilton, a born surfer, who lost her arm in a shark attack when she was 13.

Did she let that stop her? Hell no. As soon as she was allowed back in the water, there she was. Surfing again. Not worried at all. Competing again, with her family helping her train, and the whole community believing in her and supporting her. And she’s still surfing today – pro, might I add. Minus one arm. Isn’t that just incredible? The most basic tasks become difficult with only one arm. It would have been so easy to give up, say it’s all too hard and life is unfair. But that gets you nowhere. You just get angry and bitter.

The film talks a bit about perspective – how sometimes it’s hard to see the big picture if you’re too close to it. And I guess sometimes, even if things are bad, you just have to stop and remember all the good things you have. All the things that make you lucky, even really simple things. And be so incredibly happy to have those things.

two's company.

So the other night I went out clubbing to Capital (don’t judge me, it wasn’t my choice) and while I was there I witnessed something that has bugged me since my first outing to Paramount (again, don’t judge, I was young and didn’t know any better) for my 18^th birthday. It’s common knowledge that girls go to the bathroom together. But the actual toilet? This I was not aware of. Three years later, it still makes no sense to me. Going to the bathroom together – sure, that seems logical; you don’t want to lose your friend in a big place, you both have to go to the toilet, one of you wants to use the mirror. Going to the toilet together – not so logical; you don’t get to use the toilet any quicker (unless you’re both sitting on there at the same time in which case you have serious issues and not to mention tiny backsides), you can just as easily carry on your conversation through the door or wait until you’re both out, toilets aren’t built for two people so it’s squishy, and there’s another person right next to you while you’re trying to do something rather private!

Luckily for me, my main group of friends don’t have this odd habit so when we’re out we can use the rest room in peace. However, I have been put in this position before, where a friend just follows you in. For someone not used to, nor comfortable with it, it’s an odd experience. And apparently one that you can’t really get out of. Saying “Hey what the hell are you doing?” isn’t very polite and by the time you realize they’re following you in, it’s almost too late to say anything.

Of course there are reasons that could explain why girls go to the toilet together. Maybe one is sick and the other is holding her hair back. Maybe one is hiding/crying and the other is comforting her. Maybe they snuck a flask into the club and are sharing it in there. It would be fine if these, or something like these, were the only reasons girls did it … but they’re not. Most of the time, it’s just because they both need the toilet. And this, I do not understand. Even if you’re drunk, I still do not understand. When I’ve been drinking I don’t think, “Hey, you know what would be fun? Going to the toilet together!” Where did this idea come from? Who was the girl that originally suggested it? And, more importantly, why did her friend agree to it!?

I believe you should be close to your bestfriends, you should be able to share everything with them. But there’s a line that should be drawn. For me, that line is the toilet door.

zoë foster.

For those of you who don’t know, I currently love Zoë Foster. A lot. I know the last time I said I loved someone in this blog it was also a female, a model to be precise, but it’s not my fault females have better bodies and seem to write funnier relationship advice, is it? I’ll admit one of the main reasons I love Zoë is because I want to be her. I envy her. I want to steal her life from her while she’s happily sleeping next to her funny-as boyfriend Hamish Blake (cutest/best/funniest couple ever). I want to be her because she writes relationship columns and does it in a way that always makes me laugh and a way that I always agree with. So there I am, reading her book, ‘Textbook Romance’ (with "occasionally useful comments from Hamish Blake” – why wouldn’t you get your famous boyfriend to add his two cents?!) and I’m laughing out loud quite often while also thinking to myself “I know all of this, that’s why I’m always so gosh darn optimistic about love and life, even when I'm alone”. Anyway, it’s safe to say I’m not going to learn much new but that’s fine by me, I’m happy to sit here agreeing with Zoë and laughing with her.

I like to think I’ve learnt a bit about relationships in my mere 20 years, particularly in the last 5, though it isn’t hard to improve on complete naivety so maybe this isn’t much of an achievement. But I like to think I often know what people should do in their relationships – it’s not as bloody hard as you’re making it out to be, just walk away/stop being a bitch/get out of your own head and look at it from his perspective for once!

The biggest thing to remember with relationships, and the thing a few people tend to lose, is logic and perspective. And anyone that thinks relationships are hard aren’t in the right relationship. Don’t get me wrong, of course there are always going to be issues and problems along the way but you should be able to sort them out and if it gets to a point where it becomes too hard to do that, it’s probably not worth trying. It’s not necessarily the relationship that’s hard, it’s determining whether or not it’s worth it and saying no to the person you love so much, but who isn’t treating you right. And that is hard. That’s near impossible. To turn away from someone you don’t want to be without, but who is making your life more sad than happy? It’s hard to draw that line. And then all these other insecurities can start popping up. My big one used to be; “what if I never find anyone better?” The worst thing about this one is that it can easily turn into “what if I don’t deserve anyone better?” and that can really get under your skin and convince you to stay where you are because this might be as good as it gets.  

So, the thing I’ve learnt is; this is total bullshit. And the second you start thinking it, the second you start believing it, the second you start acting like it, it becomes true. Because if you don’t think you deserve better then you don’t. Nobody likes insecurity - it goes hand in hand with desperation, what a turn on! And guess what, I wrote most of this last week but hadn’t got around to posting it. And then I started reading Zoë. And she’s saying the exact same thing! So it must be right, right? Of course, she’s a published author so she says it much better than I do and with much more credibility. To prove this, I’m going to leave you with a few of her words (from only the first 20 pages might I add) – I hope you find them as amusing as I did, and even though it’s only snippets, who knows, you might even learn something! 

TEXTBOOK ROMANCE snippets;

“Pearl liked to sit and tell me how miserable she was because she’d put on weight and she felt gross and unsexy. We had this conversation at least once a week. And then one day I slapped her across the face with an oven mitt and told her TO SNAP OUT OF IT AND LOSE THE GOD DAMN WEIGHT ALREADY. I didn’t really do that, of course.”

Input from Hamish Blake: “Like in Mr Men books (let me know if im getting too intellectual): if you hate Mr Grumpy (who doesn’t?), why not go out with Mr Tickle? I mean, imagine what he could do with those hands… "

“Mini Lesson:  Persepctive is Key, or Being Single is Fucking Awesome… Never in your life can you be so utterly, deliciously selfish as when you are single. DO NOT PASS THIS OPPORTUNITY UP.”

“Be terrifyingly honest about your flaws and your strengths, know your worth, build up your confidence … and love yourself to the point of wanting to text yourself sexy messages before bed.”

“In this lesson you’ll learn that thinking of yourself as incredibly valuable means others will see you that way too. (You’ll also learn that you’re actually a designer bag made in France.)”

“If you believe that you attract men without even trying because you're so fuckin' awesome and how on earth could they resist, then you will ... Project an image of self-love, and so it shall be! (Hallelujah!) (Cut to gospel choir.)"

it's impossible to lie to yourself.

I'm sure I've said this before but when I started this blog I wanted to use it to write because that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life, in one way or another. And I also wanted to use it to be really honest with myself. Because you know things aren’t right when you’re trying to lie to yourself. And, of course, it never works anyway because no matter how hard you try not to think about what you really feel, or convince yourself otherwise, it’s impossible to lie to yourself. Like last night, around 10.30pm, I was feeling pretty tired and normally at that point I’d just go to sleep. But I stayed up reading. I stayed up until 11pm. I tried to tell myself it was because I was really interested in my book and I wasn’t that tired anyway. The truth? I was staying up to see if my ex-boyfriend would come online so I could talk to him. Pathetic, right? Oh, I’m single again by the way, for those of you who didn’t know (who am I kidding, you all know, because my guess is the only people reading this are people I actually know in real life and you all would have gotten the facebook update).

Anyway, I’ve been switching between feeling really angry and annoyed at being single (he didn’t love me enough to stay with me for 5 months while he is overseas? Bastard!) to missing him immensely, being happy to hear from him and misguidedly thinking he’ll come around and realize this is a mistake (he won’t; he’s stubborn, true to his starsign) and finally, being my optimistic self and thinking “I’m only 20. If he doesn’t want to stay with me, that’s fine, I’ve got plenty of time to find someone who does. Jokes on him! Hahaha.” Isn’t life hilarious?

But anyway, I’ll get to the optimism in another blog – most likely something along the lines of ‘if you don’t believe you deserve better, you’ll never get it. Self-doubt is your biggest obstacle!’.  For the meantime, I’m focusing on the missing him part. The trickiest part of this is figuring out if it’s the person you miss, or just having someone to be with, the intimacy, someone who’s obliged to listen to your pointless and shit stories. Because no one does that the way a partner does. And I guess there are two good ways to figure this out. You can wait it out, get to a point where you are used to being single and no longer miss the ins and outs of being in a relationship as much, and then if you still miss the actual person, there’s your answer. Or, you can find someone else to give you a relationship, and if it isn’t as good or you aren’t as happy, there’s your answer too. The problem with both of these? They take time. And waiting sucks. It sucks when you just want to pop into the shops to pick up some tissues and get stuck in the checkout line and it sucks when you’re trying to figure out if you really miss someone or not.

Right now, this is what I know; my life is very repetitive and not really going anywhere at the moment. Now, that’s mostly because I’m scared of going after what I want and not being good enough to succeed at it but, nonetheless, the situation begs you to question what you’re doing with your life and what’s important in it – people obviously included. Yesterday, I saw a job advertised that I should apply for and could potentially get and naturally this made me nervous. But the first person I wanted to tell and talk to about it was him. Not my mum or my bestfriend or the people I studied with. Him. And that made me even more nervous.

it's called underwear for a reason.

Working in retail, I spend alot of time silently judging people's outfits. One of the things I notice most often is bra straps. Ever since I was old enough to be wearing bras my mum also told me it looks bad to have the straps showing. Now I can't even stand it on a singlet. Match the colours, for god's sake! No one wants to see your hot pink bra straps when you're wearing a white spagehetti strap top. It's not hot, it's gross. Did you get dressed in the dark or something? Go away and don't come back til you know better.

I blame Sex and the City aka 'Carrie Bradshaw' for this fashion disaster. Don't get me wrong, I love the show. But for a show that's meant to be the height of fashion, they've got Carrie running all over New York City with her bra on full display. It annoys me everytime I see it.

Why ruin a perfectly cute pink tank and pearls (the signature for class) with black straps obviously purposely positioned so they're on display? Good work, styling team!

Now, there's nothing I love more than backless tops/dresses. But, there's nothing I hate more than girls who wear them with their bras showing. Don't do it! It looks tacky and takes away from the outfit. I know it means you have to wear a sticky bra, or no bra. And I know that's annoying - trust me, I understand that sometimes going braless isn't an option. But if you don't want to do that, don't buy backless!

Let's all take a look at what I mean. Here's a few girls who clearly never got the memo that bras are underwear, not outerwear.

And here's some that did ...

I'll let you decide what you think looks best. 

abbey lee - brunette over blonde.

 I have recently decided to jump on board and fall in love with Abbey Lee Kershaw, primarily after seeing her as a brunette in the Portmans campaign. Of course I've known about her for a while - Australian born models are always going to be mentioned in Australian magazines. But I never really liked her. Her November '10 cover of Vogue Australia particularly threw me off - I still hate that photo. But as a brunette I am in love with her. Just goes to show my view that brunettes are always better than blondes and that almost everyone looks better brunette, stands true. I think it makes her eyes stand out more - who doesn't love big blue eyes with dark hair? I've also never been fond of models with gaps in their front teeth (can't they find a model with a dentist?!), but as a brunette this doesn't bother me as much on abbey lee. I think she's utterly adorable in the Portmans campaign, wrapped in nude knits and looking very angelic. But my favourite photo would have to be the fifth one down. Women photograph much better naked than men and I love when it's done in a sneaky way where you can't actually see anything. So there you go, I am a converted abbey lee fan, completely in love and thought you should know.



 

the hunt.

My plan for after uni was always nothing. I needed a bit of time to myself, a break from study before full time work. And because I do have a job, be it in retail, I have no stress of needing a job, of money issues. But it's getting to that time where I really should start looking, which is scary. More than being nervous about starting a new job (which is pretty nerve-racking - will I pick up on things quick enough, will I be able to contribute good ideas, will the people be nice?!) I'm nervous about not getting anywhere. Rejection is a cruel thing. Job hunt rejection can make you feel worthless. Career job hunt rejection makes you question if the thing you put 3 years* of extra study into is ever going to pay off... and you've a bit to pay off as well, what with that Hex bill and all. "Are you good enough?" - the dreaded question.

See, all of this is in the back of my mind. But I think I'll be okay because I was always having this time off - so even if takes a bit longer to get hired, it's just extra 'free time'. Plus, I'm still figuring out what it is I exactly, passionately, want to do with my life and more importantly what I want to do that I can actually achieve. Maybe this makes it easier not to worry so much - it doesn't feel like the thing I want most in the world is slipping away because I'm not sure what that thing is. But some people aren't like that. Some people know exactly what they want, and they can't wait to start! In a way I envy them, I envy their sureness and their determination (because let's face it, the ones who already know what they want are always more determined).

However, their trouble comes when they have to wait. Rejection hits these people harder because they won't see it as extra 'free time', all they see is rejection. Dreams slipping away. The negative aspect. That's not a good feeling - but often a mindset that's hard to escape. So I don't know what's best when it comes to life after uni. I always wished I was determined enough to seek out work experience on my own accord, search through job listings and apply so much it felt like that's the only reason my email existed. But that's not me. I haven't found something that makes me want to do that yet. And I don't mind being (career) jobless for a little while.

I believe if it's hard now, it will only make you appreciate the final success more. What's triumph without overcoming problems on the way? Though I have a feeling if rejection is a series regular rather than just a guest appearance in my job hunt, of course it's going to start feeling like a lost cause. When that happens I hope the eternal optimist in me reminds me something perfect is just waiting, something better than anything I've applied for. And I damn well hope that optimist is right!

* 3 years if you chose to study at uni and chose a course with the minimum timeframe, like mass communication.

wasted.

So, last weekend me and my bestfriend went into Subiaco for a night out. And it made me think about how drinking (alcohol) is a waste of … well … a lot of things and also a loss of some others.

Mostly, money. Firstly, you’re probably going to have pre drinks before going out (you know, to save money because you won’t have to buy as many drinks when you’re out. Win!) Then, if you don’t have any sober friends willing to help out, you may have to pay for a taxi getting to your destination because you won’t be able to drive. Then there’s probably an entry fee, but everyone has to pay that, drinking or not, so we’ll let that one go. Of course there’s the overpriced drinks at the club. $8.50 for a glass of vodka and something, of which half is taken up by ice? You’ve got to be kidding me! Now because you’re drinking your smart decision making takes a back seat so you’ll probably end up buying more drinks than you need or possibly shouting those around you (who never return the favour, which is ok because being tipsy you probably won’t realize until the next day). That’s more money wasted. Often unnecessary food seems a great idea after a night out drinking, hell there’s even a facebook page about it, so $10 more goes on a kebab or maccas. And of course, there’s the taxi ride home. Don’t forget if you’ve run out of cash and are paying with eftpos, there’s an extra surcharge. Don’t you just love taxis?!

The second thing you waste is time. Time waiting for the taxi to drive to your house and pick you up. Time waiting at the bar for your drinks. Time waiting in line for food. Time waiting in that hugely annoying taxi line at the end of the night. I’d say time waiting to get in, but again that’s a general problem for anyone clubbing, not specifically drinking, but worth a mention because it's so annoying.

Of course if you do have a ‘designated driver’ friend, you’re also likely to waste their time. Time deciding if you want to keep on going after you’ve left the first place, time talking to your new friends you’ll never see again, time not wanting to comply with the lovely person driving you home for free because unfortunately you fall into the category of ignorant drunk. Oh, and this time wasting could also lead to future arguments, which coincidently wastes more time :O

Sometimes there’s the loss of the ability to think clearly which leads to stupid decisions like drunk calls, cheating, fighting someone you can’t take or overreacting badly to your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/bestfriend being in the same place as you, a situation where you ‘have to leave immediately’ and take your girlfriends with you, wasting their night too (and yes I limit this last one to girls as they are the ones that get overemotional about everything).

You can also lose friends and end up alone for the rest of the night because you're not thinking straight.

And finally (or at least the last waste I can think of at the moment) you tend to waste the day. The day after, to be exact. If you’re lucky and don’t have any commitments the next day, you waste it sleeping late, being hung over and laying on the couch. If you do have commitments, you waste the day complaining about how you didn’t get to sleep in or lie on the couch nursing your hangover. You also waste the time of those you’re moaning to.

Oh and I forgot one to go under ‘money’. I'm always hearing how people lose money after a night out drinking. Or spill their drink and ruin a new outfit. Or (worst of all) lose their phones. What a waste.

And don’t even get me started on people who drink and drive and risk the loss of lives.

Maybe this is why they call it ‘getting wasted?’ hmm…

autumn, i'm waiting.

So, as we all know (for those of us living in Perth anyway), it's been one of the hottest summers. And that heat really started to kick in in february, which felt more like the middle of summer rather than the last month of it. All of those above 35 days in a row were actually killing me. Let's blame global warming. Don't get me wrong, I like a nice sunny day - cute dresses, swimming etc. But the feeling of it being too hot to even step outside, too hot to even get dressed, well that's not a good feeling.

Finally, a week into march, a week into autumn (my absolute favourite season) we are experiencing weather below 35 degrees. In fact, later in the week it's supposed to sink just below 30! I am so excited for autumn to actually arrive. I'm excited for the fashion. Trench coats, baggy jumpers, dresses and boots, patterned stockings, scarfs, berets. Everyone looks better in the cooler months. Girls cover up (goodbye midrift tops and high shorts that cut off above your buttcheeks) and look more classy. Boys move into jeans (goodbye skinny boy legs that aren't the best assest on any of you) and into big (leather) jackets or cuddly sweaters.

By the end of last winter I realised I barely wore any of my many berets and scarfs or my leather jacket from europe - it was never cold enough and then suddenly it was spring. Well this year I'm prepared. This year I'm wearing them as soon as it hits winter, even if it's not cold enough - I'm not letting Perth's weather stop me from dressing in winter fashion!

So autumn, lovely autumn when the leaves turn brown and make for pretty pictures, my car doesn't feel like a sauna from sitting outside during the day, and it's finally cool enough to start drinking tea and wrapping up in a blanket again. Please hurry up and hit Perth. I'm sick of waiting for my season to arrive.

bestfriend day.

I've got this thing with the differences between friendships and relationships. People always say friends are the ones who are going to be there even after your relationship breaks down and they're generally right. And yet we tend to put so much more emphasis on a relationship. I couldn't tell you the date I became friends with my current bestfriends, but I know it was October 31, 2009 when I became the girlfriend of Drew. And I certaintly don't celebrate an anniversary each year with my bestfriend, the way I do with my boyfriend. I don't tell her I love her everytime I see her, the way I do with my boyfriend.

People ask us how long we've been with our partners and when that number gets above a few years (at my age, strictly speaking) they tend to say 'that's quite a long time then' and proceede to ask if the two of you have plans for the future together. No one ever asks me how long I've been friends with my two bestfriends and if they did I doubt they'd be impressed by my reply of 7 years and 10 years.

When people's boyfriend or girlfriend move away they often either break up, or go with them. If my bestfriend moved away I wouldn't do either. I wouln't stop being her bestfriend and I wouldn't go with her ... (unless that was the plan all along). We would just stay bestfriends from across a country or an ocean. And it wouldn't be hard and I wouldn't replace her. Sure I might find new bestfriends, but I wouldn't replace her. Ahh and here inlies the difference. So obvious that I didn't actually think about it until I'd just written that sentence. You're allowed more than one bestfriend. You're not (generally) allowed more than one boyfriend or husband. It's easier to commit wholeheartedly and forever to something if you know you're not limited to it. But that's a whole other issue; manogamy.

My point is there's so much emphasis on relationships. People are so impressed to hear couples who've been married 40 years. What about people who've been friends 40 years? People who have stuck by you through all the other boyfriends or girlfriends. People who have also seen you at your worst (probably worse than your partner has seen you too) and who know all your innermost thoughts.

I think there should be a world wide 'bestfriend day', similar to valentines day. To spend with bestfriends and bestfriends only (becase bestfriends are in a league of their own and I'm sure even if your one of those super popular people, deep down you've probably only got no more that three real bestfriends so I'm sure one day would be enough to fit them all in). Yeah, I think that'd be nice.

valentines; not present day.

So it was valentines day on monday, as I'm sure everyone is aware (except the guy taking my dinner booking, who asked me if it was monday the 21st...idiot), and it made me wonder just how much money was made from the 'hallmark holiday'.

I've always been of the school of thought that valentines is a day to spend time, not money. It's not present day! And I don't understand why couples feel the need to lavish each other with gifts. Yes, it's always nice to recieve nice gifts from your partner. But it's not necessary. Buying me something expensive doesn't show me you love me, it shows me you have money. Hey, good for you, but I don't care. I'd rather thoughtfulness. All I ever really want is a card with something nice written in it. Though if it was something thoughtful and expensive ... well then I guess I wouldn't complain!

So, in my relationship the general rule is no presents, or at the most only little presents. Me and Drew* both have birthdays at the end of the year, then Christmas, then Vday, so that would be a lot of presents in only a few months. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather use that money we would have spent on presents to go out to dinner instead. Or better yet, screw spending money at all and organise a cute little picnic.

This year we went out to dinner; the only real option when you've had to work all day long. It was a cute little place which is all I really cared about when finding somewhere to go, and yes I'm well aware of how blatantly that means I was 'judging a book by it's cover' but I actually do that often. And my present was perfect. It was a personalised 'saveasaurus' - you might have seen them around in Thingz or Wild or some other gift shop, it's a dinosaur money box. Now, sure, this might seem like an odd present but it had meaning. See, Drew has always been fond of dinosaurs, he wanted to be a paleontologist as a kid and there's been many references to dinosaurs throughout our relationship. Mostly this involves me calling him a dinosaur or buying him silly little dinosaur related presents. And I had always wanted to buy a saveasaurus for him, but they don't have his name. And I also got a lovely card! So basically, I couldn't have been happier with my little gift or the person who gave it to me :)

                    

        

*Originally I never planned on using Drew's name in this blog (hence why you won't have seen it up until this point and if you don't know us, you may be wondering, who is this 'Drew' person? ... Or maybe not because I think it's pretty obvious in my writing). The reason I didn't plan to use his name is because it didn't seem fair when it's my life I'm sharing and he just happens to be apart of it. But, then again, when I decided on that we were no longer together and I didn't think I'd be referring to him that often. Now that I am, it's getting annoying constantly saying 'my boyfriend' and frankly I dislike using those words anyway because it's so impersonal. And since this is a somewhat personal blog, I'm just going to go ahead and start using his real name!

relationship rules.

A lot of people tend to annoy me when they get into relationships because relationships often make people act like idiots. They become so consumed and involved, often lacking common courtesy to others and overreact to every little thing, often resulting in unnecessary conflict. I’m not saying I’m an expert when it comes to relationships and how things should go, but I’ve always thought I’m pretty good at being a girlfriend and I’ve been told by friends that I ‘have good perspective’ when it comes to being in a relationship. So, I thought I’d make a list of rules (and I use that term losely) that I try to follow, and that I wish others would too, so as to not annoy me quite so much.

Relationship rules;

-     Jealousy is only good until it turns bad. I want my boyfriend to be jealous sometimes. Like if I’m out and some other guy tries hitting on me, if my boyfriend didn’t get a little jealous I’d feel pretty bad. Does he not care enough to care that another guy is hitting on me? Does he think I’m not attractive enough for anyone else to want me? But, on the other hand, I’d MUCH rather him not be jealous at all than be too jealous. Boyfriends who won’t even let you talk to another guy, who call you all the time to check up on you, who don’t want you going out without them, these are boyfriends I just wouldn’t stay with. I couldn’t. Just trust me enough to leave me the hell alone! This is one of my big issues, because I’m not the jealous type. I’m more than happy to have my boyfriend stay in a hotel room with his two girl friends on their holiday. I’m more than happy for him to go to coffee with a girl friend. Oh, there is a line to how happy I am, which all depends on how and when he met the girl, but I’ll get to that later. I guess I have no right to be jealous either, considering I’m still friendly with all my exes and still friends with my most recent one. That kind of hypocrisy doesn’t sit well with me. So, be a little jealous because it means you care but don’t be so jealous that you suffocate your partner with it.

-     You can’t tell people how to live their life. This is one of my life theories. I hate girls that try to change their boyfriends, and vice versa. I hate girls that think they have a say in his life dreams. Sure, you can express your opinion that you don’t think professional surfer is a very realistic dream when he never learnt how to swim. But in the end you can’t stop someone from doing what they want and shouldn’t try. You’ll only seem controlling. Even if you know it’s a bad decision, sometimes it’s not your decision to make. People are always going to do what they want, so you may as well go along with it.

-     SPELL.IT.OUT. Don’t say ‘I’m fine’ if what you mean is ‘I’m annoyed at you and wish you would do x y z’. Boys aren’t mind readers, nobody is. If you tell them you don’t want to talk to them or you want to be alone, they will stop talking to you and leave you alone. If that’s not what you really want, don’t say it! I remember telling my boyfriend that if I ever get mad at him and storm off saying ‘leave me alone’ he should always follow me anyway. Every girl wants to feel like their boyfriend cares enough to be there when she’s upset. Also, if you don’t tell people if/why you’re mad at them, they’re never going to change. Don’t sit there and whinge that your partner always ditches you for his friends if you’ve never expressed that to him. How the hell is he supposed to know it upsets you if you don’t tell him? So yeah, this one is pretty simple; say what you mean, and say it CLEARLY.

-     Whoever was there first, comes first. This relates back to the jealousy thing. The main point is, don’t ditch your friends because you’re in a relationship. I don’t believe ‘friends come first’ or ‘bros before hoes’. I believe that if friends were there first, put them first. If your partner was there first, put him/her first. And as the partner, you should respect this too. If his friends want to see him the same day you do, respect that he needs to be able to spend time with them so he’s not the dickhead who only sees his girlfriend now and you’re not the bitch who stole him. Nobody wins in that situation because you alienate everyone around you – the people who are going to be there picking up the pieces if/when the two of you fall apart. And with the jealousy part – I’m ok with my boyfriend hanging out with girls he already knows. Girls he is already friends with. But if it was someone he met after he met me, it’s a little tricky. Because firstly I wonder, how did he become such good friends with this girl? I rarely make friends with boys when I’m in a relationship because I already have a boyfriend. I don’t need to make a new boy friend (notice the space between words). This is when jealousy starts to take over. Maybe he started talking to her because he’s attracted to her. Maybe he’s more attracted to her than me. Maybe he wants to kiss her. This is where communication is necessary. This is where step three: SPELL IT OUT is necessary. And thus the cycle continues.