bestfriend day.

I've got this thing with the differences between friendships and relationships. People always say friends are the ones who are going to be there even after your relationship breaks down and they're generally right. And yet we tend to put so much more emphasis on a relationship. I couldn't tell you the date I became friends with my current bestfriends, but I know it was October 31, 2009 when I became the girlfriend of Drew. And I certaintly don't celebrate an anniversary each year with my bestfriend, the way I do with my boyfriend. I don't tell her I love her everytime I see her, the way I do with my boyfriend.

People ask us how long we've been with our partners and when that number gets above a few years (at my age, strictly speaking) they tend to say 'that's quite a long time then' and proceede to ask if the two of you have plans for the future together. No one ever asks me how long I've been friends with my two bestfriends and if they did I doubt they'd be impressed by my reply of 7 years and 10 years.

When people's boyfriend or girlfriend move away they often either break up, or go with them. If my bestfriend moved away I wouldn't do either. I wouln't stop being her bestfriend and I wouldn't go with her ... (unless that was the plan all along). We would just stay bestfriends from across a country or an ocean. And it wouldn't be hard and I wouldn't replace her. Sure I might find new bestfriends, but I wouldn't replace her. Ahh and here inlies the difference. So obvious that I didn't actually think about it until I'd just written that sentence. You're allowed more than one bestfriend. You're not (generally) allowed more than one boyfriend or husband. It's easier to commit wholeheartedly and forever to something if you know you're not limited to it. But that's a whole other issue; manogamy.

My point is there's so much emphasis on relationships. People are so impressed to hear couples who've been married 40 years. What about people who've been friends 40 years? People who have stuck by you through all the other boyfriends or girlfriends. People who have also seen you at your worst (probably worse than your partner has seen you too) and who know all your innermost thoughts.

I think there should be a world wide 'bestfriend day', similar to valentines day. To spend with bestfriends and bestfriends only (becase bestfriends are in a league of their own and I'm sure even if your one of those super popular people, deep down you've probably only got no more that three real bestfriends so I'm sure one day would be enough to fit them all in). Yeah, I think that'd be nice.

valentines; not present day.

So it was valentines day on monday, as I'm sure everyone is aware (except the guy taking my dinner booking, who asked me if it was monday the 21st...idiot), and it made me wonder just how much money was made from the 'hallmark holiday'.

I've always been of the school of thought that valentines is a day to spend time, not money. It's not present day! And I don't understand why couples feel the need to lavish each other with gifts. Yes, it's always nice to recieve nice gifts from your partner. But it's not necessary. Buying me something expensive doesn't show me you love me, it shows me you have money. Hey, good for you, but I don't care. I'd rather thoughtfulness. All I ever really want is a card with something nice written in it. Though if it was something thoughtful and expensive ... well then I guess I wouldn't complain!

So, in my relationship the general rule is no presents, or at the most only little presents. Me and Drew* both have birthdays at the end of the year, then Christmas, then Vday, so that would be a lot of presents in only a few months. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather use that money we would have spent on presents to go out to dinner instead. Or better yet, screw spending money at all and organise a cute little picnic.

This year we went out to dinner; the only real option when you've had to work all day long. It was a cute little place which is all I really cared about when finding somewhere to go, and yes I'm well aware of how blatantly that means I was 'judging a book by it's cover' but I actually do that often. And my present was perfect. It was a personalised 'saveasaurus' - you might have seen them around in Thingz or Wild or some other gift shop, it's a dinosaur money box. Now, sure, this might seem like an odd present but it had meaning. See, Drew has always been fond of dinosaurs, he wanted to be a paleontologist as a kid and there's been many references to dinosaurs throughout our relationship. Mostly this involves me calling him a dinosaur or buying him silly little dinosaur related presents. And I had always wanted to buy a saveasaurus for him, but they don't have his name. And I also got a lovely card! So basically, I couldn't have been happier with my little gift or the person who gave it to me :)

                    

        

*Originally I never planned on using Drew's name in this blog (hence why you won't have seen it up until this point and if you don't know us, you may be wondering, who is this 'Drew' person? ... Or maybe not because I think it's pretty obvious in my writing). The reason I didn't plan to use his name is because it didn't seem fair when it's my life I'm sharing and he just happens to be apart of it. But, then again, when I decided on that we were no longer together and I didn't think I'd be referring to him that often. Now that I am, it's getting annoying constantly saying 'my boyfriend' and frankly I dislike using those words anyway because it's so impersonal. And since this is a somewhat personal blog, I'm just going to go ahead and start using his real name!

relationship rules.

A lot of people tend to annoy me when they get into relationships because relationships often make people act like idiots. They become so consumed and involved, often lacking common courtesy to others and overreact to every little thing, often resulting in unnecessary conflict. I’m not saying I’m an expert when it comes to relationships and how things should go, but I’ve always thought I’m pretty good at being a girlfriend and I’ve been told by friends that I ‘have good perspective’ when it comes to being in a relationship. So, I thought I’d make a list of rules (and I use that term losely) that I try to follow, and that I wish others would too, so as to not annoy me quite so much.

Relationship rules;

-     Jealousy is only good until it turns bad. I want my boyfriend to be jealous sometimes. Like if I’m out and some other guy tries hitting on me, if my boyfriend didn’t get a little jealous I’d feel pretty bad. Does he not care enough to care that another guy is hitting on me? Does he think I’m not attractive enough for anyone else to want me? But, on the other hand, I’d MUCH rather him not be jealous at all than be too jealous. Boyfriends who won’t even let you talk to another guy, who call you all the time to check up on you, who don’t want you going out without them, these are boyfriends I just wouldn’t stay with. I couldn’t. Just trust me enough to leave me the hell alone! This is one of my big issues, because I’m not the jealous type. I’m more than happy to have my boyfriend stay in a hotel room with his two girl friends on their holiday. I’m more than happy for him to go to coffee with a girl friend. Oh, there is a line to how happy I am, which all depends on how and when he met the girl, but I’ll get to that later. I guess I have no right to be jealous either, considering I’m still friendly with all my exes and still friends with my most recent one. That kind of hypocrisy doesn’t sit well with me. So, be a little jealous because it means you care but don’t be so jealous that you suffocate your partner with it.

-     You can’t tell people how to live their life. This is one of my life theories. I hate girls that try to change their boyfriends, and vice versa. I hate girls that think they have a say in his life dreams. Sure, you can express your opinion that you don’t think professional surfer is a very realistic dream when he never learnt how to swim. But in the end you can’t stop someone from doing what they want and shouldn’t try. You’ll only seem controlling. Even if you know it’s a bad decision, sometimes it’s not your decision to make. People are always going to do what they want, so you may as well go along with it.

-     SPELL.IT.OUT. Don’t say ‘I’m fine’ if what you mean is ‘I’m annoyed at you and wish you would do x y z’. Boys aren’t mind readers, nobody is. If you tell them you don’t want to talk to them or you want to be alone, they will stop talking to you and leave you alone. If that’s not what you really want, don’t say it! I remember telling my boyfriend that if I ever get mad at him and storm off saying ‘leave me alone’ he should always follow me anyway. Every girl wants to feel like their boyfriend cares enough to be there when she’s upset. Also, if you don’t tell people if/why you’re mad at them, they’re never going to change. Don’t sit there and whinge that your partner always ditches you for his friends if you’ve never expressed that to him. How the hell is he supposed to know it upsets you if you don’t tell him? So yeah, this one is pretty simple; say what you mean, and say it CLEARLY.

-     Whoever was there first, comes first. This relates back to the jealousy thing. The main point is, don’t ditch your friends because you’re in a relationship. I don’t believe ‘friends come first’ or ‘bros before hoes’. I believe that if friends were there first, put them first. If your partner was there first, put him/her first. And as the partner, you should respect this too. If his friends want to see him the same day you do, respect that he needs to be able to spend time with them so he’s not the dickhead who only sees his girlfriend now and you’re not the bitch who stole him. Nobody wins in that situation because you alienate everyone around you – the people who are going to be there picking up the pieces if/when the two of you fall apart. And with the jealousy part – I’m ok with my boyfriend hanging out with girls he already knows. Girls he is already friends with. But if it was someone he met after he met me, it’s a little tricky. Because firstly I wonder, how did he become such good friends with this girl? I rarely make friends with boys when I’m in a relationship because I already have a boyfriend. I don’t need to make a new boy friend (notice the space between words). This is when jealousy starts to take over. Maybe he started talking to her because he’s attracted to her. Maybe he’s more attracted to her than me. Maybe he wants to kiss her. This is where communication is necessary. This is where step three: SPELL IT OUT is necessary. And thus the cycle continues.

to queensland.

People are always complaining about how nothing happens in Perth. Even when it’s a cyclone, people joke “Not even Cyclone Bianca wanted to visit Perth”. Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that great? Shouldn’t you not be making snide comments or creating facebook pages about that? I’m not saying these people are wrong – not much does happen in Perth. For which, at times like these, I’m very grateful. Now I will admit I’m not one to watch the news every night (bad journalist, I know), but we all know enough to know Queensland is in for serious consequences. What I didn’t realise was just how big Cyclone Yasi is. I was not aware it is almost the size of the United States.



I was not aware the eye of it stretched 35 km, just 5km shy of the total reach of the 1974 Cyclone Tracy. The eye of this cyclone is bigger than the entire one that killed 71 people in Darwin. The total reach (of only the main part) of Yasi – 500km. Basically, there aren’t words to describe the damage to come and there isn’t any possible way to fully understand what these people are about to go through – unless you’re one of them.

And often, that’s my problem with natural disasters. Yes, I care, worry and feel sympathy for those who’ve undergone a natural disaster. But, take Hurricane Katrina - it was happening on a whole other continent and there wasn’t much I could do. It didn’t affect me in any real way, and so I didn’t have to worry about it. When bad things happen in other parts of the world, all everyone else is thinking is “that’s so horrible” and in the very same thought, “I’m glad it’s not happening here”. Honestly, how often do we think about the horrid living conditions some people live with day in, day out? And even when there are catastrophes, we watch, we feel bad, we turn off the tv and get ready for our day. That’s not necessarily being cold-hearted because it’s just the way it is. I’m sure the Americans are sitting there right now thinking “Wow, Cyclone Yasi, those poor Aussies. Lucky it’s not us”. Even for people in WA right now. Yes, obviously we are all thinking about those in QLD and wishing them the best, but what else are you going to do? You personally? Not much, is my guess. I’m not judging – I know I won’t do much either. There isn’t much I can do besides donate and keep them in my thoughts. And yeah, I prayed for them. I told God that I don’t believe he can control this, because if he could, surely he wouldn’t let it happen in the first place. So instead of asking him to stop it, I asked him to devote most of his time looking out for everyone impacted and helping as much as he can. Hey, it’s worth a shot, right?

I remember a while ago, watching the news and there were children in Africa shown starving the death. My brother said “Can we not watch this? It’s horrible”, to which my dad answered “But it’s happening, sometimes you need to know that”. My brother’s reply? “Yeah but it’s not happening here and there’s not a lot we can do so what does it matter”. Things don’t seem as real when they’re far away. And to be honest – and definitely selfish – I prefer it that way. I don’t want to think about everything that’s going wrong in the world and how little impact I can actually have on it all. That kind of thinking leads to depression. Depression has never been part of my make-up – I’m an optimistic Sagittarius, after all. But since this is happening in my country, it hits close to home (excuse the possibly inappropriate pun but now that I’ve written it I can’t think of another way to word it). And so, I’m getting a little worried sitting here while destruction is awaiting on the East Coast. When I wake up tomorrow, everything will be the same. And so, tonight I’m dedicating this blog to the people affected by Cyclone Yasi and hoping everyone in Australia is keeping those in QLD in their thoughts. Somehow, I’m not sure how much that’s going to matter come tomorrow, but it's all I've got for now.