the hunt.

My plan for after uni was always nothing. I needed a bit of time to myself, a break from study before full time work. And because I do have a job, be it in retail, I have no stress of needing a job, of money issues. But it's getting to that time where I really should start looking, which is scary. More than being nervous about starting a new job (which is pretty nerve-racking - will I pick up on things quick enough, will I be able to contribute good ideas, will the people be nice?!) I'm nervous about not getting anywhere. Rejection is a cruel thing. Job hunt rejection can make you feel worthless. Career job hunt rejection makes you question if the thing you put 3 years* of extra study into is ever going to pay off... and you've a bit to pay off as well, what with that Hex bill and all. "Are you good enough?" - the dreaded question.

See, all of this is in the back of my mind. But I think I'll be okay because I was always having this time off - so even if takes a bit longer to get hired, it's just extra 'free time'. Plus, I'm still figuring out what it is I exactly, passionately, want to do with my life and more importantly what I want to do that I can actually achieve. Maybe this makes it easier not to worry so much - it doesn't feel like the thing I want most in the world is slipping away because I'm not sure what that thing is. But some people aren't like that. Some people know exactly what they want, and they can't wait to start! In a way I envy them, I envy their sureness and their determination (because let's face it, the ones who already know what they want are always more determined).

However, their trouble comes when they have to wait. Rejection hits these people harder because they won't see it as extra 'free time', all they see is rejection. Dreams slipping away. The negative aspect. That's not a good feeling - but often a mindset that's hard to escape. So I don't know what's best when it comes to life after uni. I always wished I was determined enough to seek out work experience on my own accord, search through job listings and apply so much it felt like that's the only reason my email existed. But that's not me. I haven't found something that makes me want to do that yet. And I don't mind being (career) jobless for a little while.

I believe if it's hard now, it will only make you appreciate the final success more. What's triumph without overcoming problems on the way? Though I have a feeling if rejection is a series regular rather than just a guest appearance in my job hunt, of course it's going to start feeling like a lost cause. When that happens I hope the eternal optimist in me reminds me something perfect is just waiting, something better than anything I've applied for. And I damn well hope that optimist is right!

* 3 years if you chose to study at uni and chose a course with the minimum timeframe, like mass communication.