out of sight, out of mind.

I’m one of those people who is very ‘out of sight, out of mind’… although you could probably also phrase it as something along the lines of ‘out of mind, not bothered’. Things don’t get to me unless they are in front of me, or unless I am thinking about them. Worried about getting Legionnares disease in Bali? Not until you started talking about it. Annoyed at someone/something? Not unless I’m thinking about it. Missing someone/something? Same deal. Of course, sometimes this may be considered denial – pushing certain things out of your mind so you don’t have to deal with them. But what better way to get on with life than to stop thinking about things that are out of your control, out of your reach, or just plain not going to happen?

Of course I’m worried about getting sick on my upcoming holiday, but there’s nothing I can do to stop that so it would be a waste to think about it. Of course there are people who annoy me, but it feels so good not even bothering to care enough about them to let them get to you. And, of course there are things that I miss – a boyfriend is the obvious one (sorry, I know these blogs all tend to be about relationships, but that’s what I most enjoy writing about), but of course there’s also family members or old friends you used to be really close with and now never see or when you do see them they act like mere acquaintances, rather than someone you used to share all your secrets and personal jokes with (but that’s a story for another time).

Everyone knows the hardest part of being newly single is adjusting to being on your own and not having someone there to talk to everyday or cuddle with and fall asleep next to. And mostly, I’m ok without those things, I’m getting used to it and it doesn’t bother me anymore… unless I’m thinking about it, of course. When I’m thinking about it, all I want is for someone to be there for a cuddle in bed, more than anything in the world that becomes the most important thing, especially when I know it’s something I can’t have. It frustrates me. It makes me feel lonely. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH! And of course, the more you think about it, the worse it gets until you just have to reach a point where you say to yourself, “get over it, it’s not going to happen, so just move on and think about something else you crazy woman”. Either that or you can reach across and grab that stuffed teddy/spare pillow and cuddle that. Both will work, though the latter leaves you unfulfilled because the pillow can’t hug you back and … let’s be honest, it’s a little sad (trust me, I’ve tried it).

In one of my past relationships, I had an ex calling me every night asking me back out. Do you know how hard it is to get over someone if they are constantly on your radar? (The answer we’re looking for here is ‘pretty damn hard’). But when you’re not thinking about the person (or that possible disease you might get, or that long lost friend) then it’s like they don’t even exist. Life is worry-free again and you can go back to focusing on the things you do have. Problem solved. Maybe. Probably not. But you’re getting there, because in time you’ll think about these things less and less until one day you don’t think of them at all. And then it’s out of your mind forever. And then it’s problem solved. Until then, I’m just going to try my best to keep my thoughts focused on other things. Like the friends I do have, and the disease I’m not going to get when I go to Bali.